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Check my other post: What is Love?
In a global recession, lack of money has a definite effect on happiness and well-being. But could finances be hurting your relationship, too? A recent survey showed that 17% of British councils reported a rise in relationship counselling services in the last few years. But with a little dedication and awareness, you can ensure that finances don’t become a problem in your relationship.
Money makes the world go round, and it can get in the way of relationships at any stage…
It’s a knotty old problem – who should pay on dates? Historically it was unquestioned that the man should slip his credit card over to the waiter. But since the rise of feminism, this assumption is disappearing. Many men don’t want to shoulder expenses for all dates with a woman who earns just as much as he does, while many women bristle at the implication that their company can be paid for.
Men, you should still make the offer – it shows that you’re putting some effort into wooing your date.
And women, refuse it and offer to split the bill. In China offers must be repeated three times before they can be politely accepted. For western, Christian dating UK women can follow this maxim and say, “No, really” three times. If the guy’s still insistent, gracefully give in.
This is an awkwardness that disappears from a progressing relationship. The next step is…
There’s a taboo on talking about money, but in a serious relationship you should be talking about everything! You should know how you feel about a long-term partner’s job, how they feel about your job, and how you both feel about money. This is why many online dating sites ask for an income bracket as part of a profile.
It’s easy to resent a partner who makes more than you do. As a result of cultural pressure to be the provider, men especially find this hard to accept. The key to avoiding resentment is finding creative solutions – maybe a gardener could take his banker girlfriend on a romantic picnic in his favourite part of the countryside? Providing isn’t just about material things – it’s more important to provide experiences and memories that the other can cherish.
Money is always a tricky issue for couples who are living together. It’s the biggest tangible sign of the merging of selves that comes with a ‘lifetime’ union, when suddenly you can’t blow a week’s wages on a great pair of jeans if you feel like it. Whether or not you and partner merge bank accounts, the money still becomes ‘ours’ rather than ‘yours and mine’. This is especially true if you have kids, who’ll become your top priority for spending.
The solution is simple: budget, budget, budget! You should sit down with your partner to work out finances before you move in together to make sure your priorities match. So work together as a couple to manage your money and you’ll have a great chance of celebrating a golden wedding anniversary – however much gold is in your coffers!